Just Jus

BURGER STYLES. LEARN THEM, EAT THEM.

We toss around references to different burger styles all the time, but it occurred to me that we’ve never really set them out all in one place for easy reference. I’m doing that now. Here’s a list of all the burger styles i could think of. If there’s something here i’m missing, chime in with a comment. Here goes, in no particular order my guide to hamburger and cheeseburger styles…

PUB BURGERS

Large patties usually no smaller than 8 ounces, often 10 ounces or more. Typically ovoid in shape rather than flat. Most often seen in pubs (hence the name), where they’re often broiled. Perfect examples are the burger from TGI Fridays and Hotel Burgers.

FASTFOOD BURGERS

Do I really need to define this one for you? I didn’t think so. I include it only to offer a comparison to …

FASTFOOD-STYLE

We use this term to denote burgers that seem to take their inspiration from fast food burgers but that are somehow better—either in terms of ingredients or preparation or both. Fast food–style burgers will be made with fresh-not-frozen beef; use the freshest, crispest produce; and generally come from a sole location or, at most, a small, local chain. Flame it, Burger Joint, Burger Avenue, and Shake Shack in NYC -these are all fast food–style burgers if not necessarily true fast food burgers. I’d almost even include In-N-Out under this rubric, even though it is technically a fast-food joint. Its philosophy and awesomeness are so far above what I normally think of as fast food that it transcends the category.

SLIDERS

Many people think a slider is just a name for a mini burger. Many people are wrong. 

A slider is something very specific. It is not just a mini hamburger. It’s a thin, thin slip of beef, cooked on a griddle with onions and pickles piled atop patty. The steam from the onions does as much cooking as the griddle. The buns are placed atop the onions, absorbing the pungent aroma and flavor. 

MINI HAMBURGERS

Any diminutive burger that does not meet the definition of slider (see above), often because it has been grilled or broiled rather than steam-griddled and almost always because it lacks the bed of pungent onions.

STEAKHOUSE BURGERS

The steakhouse burger is defined more by where it’s served than by any other unifying characteristics. Though there are some general observations you can make, however. Steakhouse burgers are usually made from the beef trimmings of the various steaks on hand and as such are ground from prime, aged beef. They’re almost always massive, hearty burgers on par with pub-style burgers. And they’re often broiled. You’d think this all would make for some fine burgers, but you’d likely be wrong.

I have ever had a good steakhouse burger experience. Steakhouses seem to always miss on the cooking the burgers properly to temperature, and burgers there are mostly an afterthought rather than the main show.You go to a steakhouse for steak, not a burger. Even worse is when steakhouses try to put some thought into the burgers and end up with some sort of overpriced, mushy ill-conceived Kobe/Wagyu burger. A Kobe burger is always, always a bad idea. Which brings me to …

KOBE/WAGYU BEEF BURGERS

And here I will repeat, a Kobe burger is always, 

always a bad idea. When cooked rare to medium-rare, as most chefs who put these on their menus usually recommend, the texture inevitably renders as mushy. It’s like moist cat food on a bun, with the meat oozing out the sides and back as you try to eat the burger. Why turn a glorious piece of beef into minced meat?

Kobe burgers are most often seen in mini-hamburger form, usually as an “appetizer” plate of three burgers, because A) this expensive beef is more affordable in smaller, sharable portions and B) the Kobe/Wagyu and the min-burger/”slider” trends seem to have peaked at the same time. Thankfully, both manias seem to have abated and you don’t hear as much about these ill-conceived lil’ ditties anymore.

FANCY PANTS BURGERS

Price is a pretty good indication you’re eating a fancy-pants burger. But since price varies from city to city, it’s difficult to set a hard-and-fast dollar border. Let’s just say that if it costs five times what a McD’s QPC Value Meal does, you’re probably in fancy-pants land.

If that’s not enough of an indication, you know you’re heading into rarefied air when any one or more of the following is involved:

• A big-name chef or restaurateur, or a celebrity chef
• Brioche buns
• “House-made” ketchup
• “House-made” anything
• Artisanal or farmstead cheeses
• “Artisanal” anything
• Aioli, remoulade, frisée, microgreens, arugula, etc.
• Designer bacon
• Foie gras
• Dry-aging
• Kobe/Wagyu beef

MEGA BURGERS

Any burger whose sole purpose is to break a record—most often weight, but sometimes price. Typically the result of tired publicity stunts, megaburgers have rapidly increased in number in the last few years thanks largely to social media—it’s almost guaranteed the blogging-Twittering-Facebooking masses will blab about you and your three-ton burger that you need a forklift to flip.

EXTREME BURGERS

Similar to megaburgers (see above), but here the point is less about sheer size than it is caloric overkill, stuffing as much gut-fattening, artery-clogging goo on and about the hamburger sandwich as possible. Example is the Krispy Kreme Bacon CheeseBurger its made out of Doughnuts.

STACKED BURGERS

Anything with two or more patties. Popular examples include In-N-Out’s Double Double, Wendy’s Double, or Burger King’s Stackers. Props to any stacked burger that uses an interstitial bun, like the Big Mac.

DEEP FRIED BURGERS

Just exactly what it says.

CHEESE STUFFED BURGERS

Though it probably didn’t take a genius to eventually try to stuff cheese inside a burger, they all follow a similar formula—American cheese stuffed between two patties, all cooked on a flat-top.

If you’ve ever tried to duplicate one at home, it’s trickier than it would seem. You’ve got to seal in the cheese securely so you don’t have a blow-out, and, as the cheese melts and puffs up the patty, you’ve got to prick it quickly with a toothpick right after you flip it to let the steam escape. It’s better to leave it to the experts.

GUBER BURGERS

Burgers with a generous dollop of melted peanut butter ladeled on.